Defeat

It has been awhile since I have posted. I started college full time a few weeks ago. Let me tell you, it has been an experience. I wish I could say that I am enjoying it, but I'm not. There I said it. I despise studying and I'm struggling with retaining information. I would rather be doing yoga, cleaning the house, cooking, or walking the dogs. I am beyond stressed out. Tom has been so amazingly supportive thus far, which I am so grateful for. I just can't help but wonder if I'm cut out for this. Maybe I'm not. I feel like a total and complete failure right now. I want to run back to work. I was always good at work. School scares me. The thought of being graded and someone telling me how smart, or dumb, I am sends me into a downward spin. I am not sure how I can get through this and keep my sanity. I feel like I am going to crack.

Tom had an excellent point today. I am completely negative when it comes to learning. I am so hard on myself when I don't do something right the first time. I expect myself to know it all. He is 100% right. I do not think of learning things or a learning curve. I just expect to be perfect without practice. Things that don't go hand in hand with each other. Instead, I fail because I give up (my words, not his.) So how do I get around this? How do I create a new pattern? How do I let go of this stress and move forward without giving up?