Catchup - Days 11-14

I'm a bit behind on my blogging since I caught a nasty cold. Days 11-14 included a hostile take over of my body by germs. They came in with a vengeance and are not leaving without a fight. Other than some very gentle stretching, yoga has not been a priority.

I'm always fascinated by illness. There are a lot of metaphysical books linking illness to mental and emotional symptoms. In other words, saying that illness is the physical manifestation of mental and emotional distress. While I believe that this is true, I don't believe it is clear cut as some people say it is. I think that there can also be external factors that play a part in it.

I think there are three possible explanations for my illness this week.

1. I've been doing a lot of yoga. I fully believe that yoga clears old emotions from my body. It could be that all of the clearing needed a physical expression to fully release. I've had this happen a few times before. It feels like in some way the fever is burning out the old habits that no longer serve me.
2. Another theory that I've been thinking about is Japan. I know right? Japan is so far away how could that be affecting us physically? Well, thanks to Facebook, I've noticed a lot of other people are sick right now. It's like a massive illness, in the form of a cold, has rapidly spread throughout our country. While it could just be spring colds (see below) it could also be a sign that all of us are connected; that the tragedy and tremendous loss in one part of the world is being physically processed by people in other parts of the world. I wish there was a way to research this. I would be interested to see if more people are sick this year than usual.
3. Spring cleaning. It seems like lots of people get colds during the spring. I could be a spring cleaning for the body; out with the old, preparation for the new.

Since I'm not working right now I was lucky enough to be able to stop and completely relax and let this illness run it's course. In the past I've usually try to fight through it. Go to work so I don't create guilt by staying home sick. Etc., Etc. It was great to be able to just feel 100% crapy and hide from everything for a few days. Thanks to my amazing man for his help and care during this time.

Day #9 - Emotions :(

There is a point when I start to practice yoga where my emotions start to release. This is the point where I usually give up. All the sudden I don't have time to do yoga. It's amazing how many times this pattern has shown up in my life.

I should not be surprised that yesterdays deep hip openers brought an emotional roller coaster today. Sadness mostly, with a little desperation thrown in so I didn't get bored. When I caught myself wallowing in the sadness and using it as an excuse not to go to the gym to run (along with the fact that it's like 35 degrees outside!) I made myself unroll my yoga mat. I spent about 45 minutes practicing. It was a rough practice. The kind where you just can't get into your yoga grove. I felt struggle and awkwardness in my body.

All I can say is that there are days like this. I am NOT going to give up this time. I will not let excuses stop me. My theory is that as if I can push through the emotions, and keep practicing, they will start to even out. I will be healthier and more flexible in my body. I will keep you posted on how this turns out.

Holding Emotions

I firmly believe that we store emotions in our bodies. I have always thought this and after my Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy training it is impossible for me to deny. The beautiful thing is that we have the power within us to address these emotions and release them. It might not always be fun, but it can be done. Yoga classes and stretching can access these emotions as well as body work like massage therapy or yoga therapy. You can use your body as a tool to learn things about yourself. I am always amazed at the clear answers that are in my body just waiting for me to discover them.

What emotions are you carrying around with you? Are you ready to let go of them?

A Willingness to Experience Duality

A few mornings ago I was thinking about my yoga practice, or more accurately my lack of yoga practice these days. I was wondering why I have been avoiding it. I know that when I practice regularly I feel fantastic. I begin to open up to life, to feel connected to my body and spirit, and to feel firmly grounded in my truth. I feel that amazing joy and immense sense of being fully alive in every cell of my being. Why would I avoid that? Then it came to me… it’s the crash.

The crash for me usually comes at work. My work situation is less than ideal. My crash consists of walking into work feeling wonderful and open, and then getting bombarded by anger and negativity. This feeling gets compounded by self judgments of why I have left myself in this situation so long. I realize now that my crash consists of me feeling how miserable I really am; something that I have unconsciously worked very hard to numb over the past five years.

So here was the question I was faced with:

If I do not allow myself to feel sadness and sorrow, can I really experience joy?

For me, this answer is a simple no. We live in a world full of duality. We can not have the good without the bad, the happy without the sad, or the reward without the work. I believe that to live fully you must be open to the entire range of emotions.

I know that I have robbed myself of feeling intense joy and happiness because I chose to numb the pain. I can feel the stuck emotions in my body magnifying the longer I avoid my practice. In life, we always have choices. I can continue to deaden myself and mourn the loss of the joy that I once felt, but this is not the way I want to live. Instead, tonight I will unroll my mat with a willingness to experience duality. I will choose to let myself experience whatever emotions present themselves so that I can savor the sweet glimpses of bliss.