Resistance Building

It has been a couple of weeks since I unrolled my mat and had a focused yoga practice. A lot has changed in the last couple of weeks. I got engaged, turned thirty, had a visit from my brother, traveled to Colorado for a wedding, and began studying for a college entrance exam. Like I said, I had a lot going on.

My practice, except for a few stretches here or there, fell to the way side. I began to feel more and more out of balance. Along with the imbalance came more and more resistance to practicing. That resistance began to grow in my body and my mind. Instead of saying "yes I need yoga right now" there were negative thoughts and excuses as to why I couldn't practice.

I forced myself on to my mat this morning. I would love to say that the resistance melted away quickly, but it didn't. It's amazing how much stiffness can build in your body in a few weeks. I realized quickly that I had not really integrated the big changes I went through on the physical level. I worked through the practice, fighting it most the way, and when I finished had a energetic sort of euphorbia going on. Ahh... release! Release of the tightness in my body, release of the negative patterns running through my mind, and release of resistance. This is what centered feels like! I'm back.

Take charge of your life.

Not making a decision is making a decision!

- Crystal Andrus

Stepping into the Fire

Yesterday was one of those days where I woke up in a slump-tastic funk and couldn't shake it. After a morning of ferocious coughing I banished myself to my couch for a day of moping and watching TV. As the day progressed things seemed to be coming in on me. Then, the dogs tracked in some sort of black substance and spread it all over our new couch. That was it - full melt down time. Out came the tears and fears. All this old crap seemed to be surfacing for me.

It was only later that night that I connected it. The night before I had done another huge hip opening practice. Let me tell you there is some dark stuff living in my hips. A enticing mix of self sabotage, negativity, and harshness. Like I've mentioned before, this is usually when I go running from my yoga practice. When the dark stuff surfaces I want nothing to do with it. I feel for my poor dogs and boyfriend who have to be in the same home with me while I wallow in my crap.

Today I had a choice. I could stay stuck in yesterday's yuck or I could step back into the fire. My theory is that the only way for me to release these emotions is to keep going back into them. The best way for me to access them is through yoga. I unrolled my mat and went for it... more hip openers! I did it in a very honoring way. I started my practice with a gentle prayer for peace and release. Afterwards, I felt energized and fantastic. We shall see what tomorrow brings. If it does bring more of the negative feelings hopefully I can recognize it sooner and work on a plan B to move through them.

Day #21 - The End

Today is technically day 21 of my 21 day experiment. I've practiced yoga the last few days but haven't been able to really find my flow or groove. I seem to continue to struggle right now. I've been frustrated by the lack of movement, or change, in my physical body. In other words, I don't feel like I'm progressing. I realize that I was sick for about a week out of this three week period. However, that just feels like an excuse. When I sat down to write today I saw a "Inspiration Card" that I had set out last week.

Ever moment is an opportunity.

I create my life anew each day.

Remember that you are always creating your life new and fresh. You are not trying to redo or change what already exists. To do so would be to resist what is, which creates struggle and conflict. Take the attitude that you are accepting and handling whatever exists in your life while at the same time recognizing that every moment is a new opportunity to begin creating exactly what you desire and what will make you the happiest.

-Shakti Gawain

Creative Visualization 50 Inspiration Card Deck

I seem to be resisting what is; struggling against some ideal that I have created in my mind. I'm going to keep practicing yoga and writing about it. I will do my best not to compare and judge myself. I will do my best to accept where I am in this moment and create the qualities that I want for the next.

Day #17 - Repeating Old Patterns

As humans we have a tendency to repeat patterns in our lives. Some of these repetitions, or habits, are healthy like brushing our teeth before bed or kissing a loved one goodnight. Then there are the the unhealthy ones. We all have them. Sometimes we are able to see them clearly and other times we simply enjoy the marry-go-round ride.

In yoga the repetition helps us evolve. Doing the same posture over and over again helps us to build muscle memory and strength. However, what if we do the posture over and over again in a way that tweaks our knee? It is eventually going to cause a injury. Your body will say enough is enough. Does the same thing apply to life? Are our good habits helping us to evolve? What about our "negative" ones? Are they eventually going to cause destruction?

Day #16 - Choose Wisely

Today I found my musical yoga groove with some new music I purchased from iTunes. I highly recommend Rare Elements from Ustad Sultan Khan. It will get your body moving and grooving! LOVE IT.

My physical yoga groove, however, was a bit illusive today. I'm still not feeling 100% so I decided to go easy on the yoga practice. I choose a 20 minute flow from Shiva Rea's Daily Energy DVD. The flow I picked was called Shanti, which means peace. I watched it on fast forward before I choose it and I looked perfect for a relaxing/recovering practice. I was wrong. For my body, today, it might as well of been titled War.

My body seemed to be fighting every pose. Hip openers like pigeon (here's a great instructional video on how to do pigeon) were like torture. Although the sequence was beautiful, and should have been very calming and relaxing, it was a struggle for me to even finish. When I was done I felt drained instead of energized.

This is another perfect example of not listening to what my body truly needed. When I started the DVD with an energizing, or solar, warm up my body was loving it. However, when I switched to the lunar, or passive, flow it felt all wrong. By trying to protect myself from overdoing it I created unnecessary struggle.

Day #15 - Exhale

I am continuing to feel better. Today it got late before I got to my mat. I ended up doing some gentle floor postures before bed. As I breathed deeply into them I could "see" a dark haze being expelled from my lungs with the exhales. Releasing, yes!